Where is the nomad?
03 Jan 2012 Leave a Comment
September seems to be the last time I touched this.
Well, honestly…
I met several folks at the conference on missions, and I’ve met several others just in passing who have been very influential.
Yet, and yet…
I’m in the same place. go is all I know.
I’m not sure when
where
how.
the journey continues.
Adventurous News
16 Sep 2011 1 Comment
While I’m still in conversation with GBIM about getting involved in a Japanese ministry, I have a lot of praying to do about which one is a better fit. I really want to go to Japan, but I really want to go where I most useful, too.
On another note, I’m talking today with Carlos about possibly going to Handong during my last semester next autumn. I’m nervous, but this time it’s not on the basis of language learning. So, I’m more excited to see if this is actually feasible.
Please keep praying for me. I’m in the state of mind that I know I’m supposed to go
but I am clueless to everything else.
Reminisce and Part IV
24 Jul 2011 Leave a Comment
I went back and read all the entries on this blog. Though I typically feel like I haven’t gotten very far, reading back, I realize that I have journeyed millions of miles… spiritually, mentally, emotionally.
“Dear Abba,
Please be with me this summer as I learn more about You and all that You’ve done for me. Please grant me patience and tenderness toward people who are not on the same page as me. And if I am in the wrong about anything, dear God, please put me straight. Hold my hand, because I cannot tackle this life without You here. You are so great and I will never, ever be able to comprehend all of You. But each day that I learn more is another day that I am so thankful to be Yours. Please, help me to continuously surrender to You. You know what I can never know, and You understand what I can never understand. Be in control. Please also be with Team Ireland as they face new experiences and discover things about themselves while doing what You’ve called them to do. Be their rock, a firm foundation for them to rely on. Help them to trust solely in You, God. Thank you, Abba. I love you, Amen.”
This was one of my prayers. I teared up when I read it because God took me seriously. He’s got me so deep in that I don’t think there’s a coming out. God is moving inside me and through me and sometimes it’s almost as if I can physically feel Him reshaping my insides. My chest will ache, my mind will itch, my soul will continue craving more, more, more. I turn to mediocre things and get bored too easily. I try to selfishly focus on me and get frustrated. It’s when I’m in a continual process of laying things down at God’s feet that I realize what it means to be alive, you know? I’m not claiming to be a pro at it, either. Oh no, I am in the baby stages of learning, but I enjoy the learning process oh so much – even if it’s painful sometimes – it feels so good when you let go.
Here’s something else I quoted a while back: “Adventure requires courage to keep us faithful to the struggle, since by its very nature adventure means that the future is always in doubt. And just to the extent that the future is in doubt, hope is required, as there can be no adventure if we despair of our goal. Such hope does not necessarily take the form of excessive confidence, rather, it involves the simple willingness to take the next step.” – Stanley Haurwas
I love this quote so much. I feel like it’s a good mantra.
Oh? You want an update on those other things?
Part IV
I have been praying and praying and praying since last Wednesday when I talked with John from GBIM. I’ve sought others to pray with me. I’ve sought the wisdom of others. I’ve asked God to guide me. It all boiled down to today. I don’t know what motivated me to finally make a decision. I had been reading my Bible and kind of felt tired, so I closed my eyes. I kept waking up, terrified that I was missing something. Before I knew it, I was on the computer, e-mailing John back. I want to move forward. I prayed this morning with an elder at my church and he just shone like a bright studio lamp. He was so sunny and happy that it was infectious. He told me a bit about his story and I told him a bit about mine. He was so encouraging when he prayed with me that I left feeling so confident that a decision would be made. I didn’t expect that it would happen today. I did my part, now it’s up to God to help me see this through – or, open window if this door happens to close. If it’s going to close, I want it to slam shut in my face right now. I don’t want a repeat of having two days to decide whether or not I’m going. I trust God, and His plan. I feel like I’m playing a game of chess now. “Your turn.” I feel myself saying. Please, continue to be in prayer with me about this opportunity. Many thanks, may God bless you. 
Part III
20 Jul 2011 1 Comment
Wow. So today was a very, very long day. However, half-way through it, I got the phone call of a lifetime. Well, I got the phone call I’ve been waiting for my whole life. I had been running errands with my friend Stefan since the morning and happened to be at the mall when I received the call. I was pacing back and forth in the girl’s section at Macy’s for most of it, because it was one of the few quiet places around. Then Stefan wanted to run to the book store, so while talking, we walked out to his truck and such. The phone call finally finished in the art section of the book store with me looking at Japanese art motifs before praying together.
That’s right, the phone call was about Japan. I had been so nervous beforehand because I wasn’t sure what I was going to say, how the conversation was going to down. I had ideas, but I didn’t even know what this might look like with GBIM. It was nice catching up, it has been a while since I went through the interviewing process with them for Ireland. A lot has changed for me internally, spiritually, well… all over my life, really. I feel like I’m starting to come into myself, starting to see glimpses of the girl God sees. It’s amazing, because I’m learning that everything – even the bad things I’ve experienced – everything has brought me to this point… and this is the point that I used to always dream about being at, never knowing if it could be a reality. I have been tearing up with joy all day. Some of my friends don’t quite get it because it’s currently trendy to be interested in Japan – but it’s not just a superficial thing for me. It’s been my whole life. After collapsing on the floor at home from exhaustion, I started right into it, talking to my dad. He gets it. He’s watched my passion for Japan – the people, the culture, all of it – he’s watched it grow from the beginning. I felt like I was talking a million miles a minute while I was telling him all the information I had. I think I talked more within five minutes than I’ve talked all month.
It’s not that anything is set in stone yet – but working toward something, it makes me so happy. It makes me feel like it’s all been worth it and is going to continue to be worth it.
What we talked about is possibly sending me to work with Northstar for three months after I graduate in December 2012. I had heard a bit about Northstar and had been following the blogs and I was definitely interested but I wasn’t sure if it was for me – it being very sporty and me being very… not. It was mentioned that I could work with hospitality which I would absolutely adore! I’m going to be praying about this for a while before I give a definite answer, but it’s giving me plenty of time to save and raise support if this is where I’m supposed to be and what I’m supposed to be doing. God has some pretty amazing timing because there will be missionaries in residence from Japan that I could surely bond with and get a lot of my questions answered. I’m excited to meet with them and get to know them and just learn from them. I’ll be contacting Laoshi fairly soon, letting her know that I need to buckle down in my Japanese studies. She’s been a great Mandarin teacher and I know she already offered to help me with Japanese – so I trust that she’ll follow through. I’m excited to see what comes of this and where God leads me, may it be this or some other grand adventure for His Kingdom.
Please be in pray with me during this time. It’s greatly appreciated.
Love,
Lindsay, the faithful nomad
To become a nomad, part II
16 Jul 2011 Leave a Comment
Okay, so, I’ve realized that I will not be happy in life unless I pursue God with all my might. Thinking about all the things I could do with my life, all the forks in the road right now, do I turn left, right, leftleft, leftright, rightleft, forward? I just don’t know! But, if I put things in perspective, and think about what makes me truly happy, my heart flutters when thinking of being a missionary. I went clicking links on GBIM’s website and found blogs of other missionaries to follow. That even made me really excited. I just want to be able to dedicate my time to prayer, relationship, and living for God. That’s all I want to do, that’s all I’ve ever wanted to do. I’ve always just wanted to mingle with people, get to know them, love them, pour God’s love into them. Thinking about doing that with my life makes me feel like it’s what I’m supposed to do. I feel like it’s been confirmed over and over in my life, and I’m finally open to really paying attention to it and doing something about it, you know?
I’m currently saving to be able to purchase language tools as well as possible classes. I’m serious about this. Even if God sends me somewhere that I wasn’t expecting to go, I’ll be happy as long as it’s where I’m supposed to be. As long as I can be around people, and just… be there for them. Granted, I’d love to incorporate art into all of this somehow, but that’s something I’ll learn to do along the way. I asked Katelyn from the Ireland Team to pray for me as I open a discussion this week. I’m trying to put my feelers out and see if anyone else is interested in this the way that I am… but either way, I am so pumped. When I think about it all, it makes me feel like I’m finally alive. There’s nothing worth living for more than God.
Thank you for reading my giddy outburst,
The Faithful Nomad
To become a nomad
12 Jul 2011 Leave a Comment
This morning I finally got off my bum. I woke up around seven, but stayed in my hammock until eight, just thinking. I spent over an hour in journal-time and devos. I came out to the living room and checked my e-mail, then e-mailed GBIM about moving forward with discussing Japan. I have been spending a lot of time in prayer and I’ve been asking for guidance. I feel like I can now properly discuss what I envision, and work with the organization to see what we can come up with. We’ll see what comes of it!
After that, I turned on the local Christian radio station and just started to look around my dad’s apartment. It’s full of boxes and bins and suitcases from me. I decided that I could stand to downsize, especially if I want to be a traveler. I even have the contents of my trunk to go through and sort, so I’ve been busy. I have a bag full of clothes to donate, a bag full of toss, a few boxes to go up in the attic, and I’m not done yet. I want to have a round two. So, this will be my project for a while, along with painting and drawing. A few hours of cleaning and downsizing, a few hours of painting, a few hours of chilling with friends… I feel like I have a nice balance for now. I’ve been having deep somber times where I realize how badly I need God’s grace, then great enthusiastic times when I realize that I already have God’s grace. So, life is pretty nice. I’m focusing myself more and more on what God wants and less on myself.
That being said, please continue to pray for the Ireland team. Janna, Katelyn, and Dan are back in the States and they are making the transition back into their native cultures and routines. Sometimes it will be harder on different members, but they have minds full of things to process that will probably take years yet to sort. Pray that they keep in mind that God is in control and He knows what He’s doing. Thank you!
big blessing, tiny package
29 Jun 2011 Leave a Comment
Wow… It’s amazing what something so small can do for you. However, I don’t think it’s actually THAT small. My sister found some old things of mine and gave them to me the other day. Among old yearbooks and photo albums was a book… I remembered having the book, but I don’t remember any of the content. I flipped through it and there are notes all over the book from me – highlights, underlines, etc. The only thing about it that I remember is the cover and the fact that we used it at Fellowship. It’s called “Renovation of the Heart” by Willard and Frazee. I’ve been thinking about it for a few days… and I want to go through it again. I decided today that I would start with the intro – and it had me in TEARS. Just an introduction! It was hitting me hard and I told one of my friends he should read it too. I filled four pages of my summer journal just from the intro. Every single word seemed like it was meant for me in that exact moment. I have no idea how to explain it… a big blessing in a tiny package? I don’t know. I’m really excited about it though. I can’t even tell you what it’s about because I don’t remember… I just know that it takes you through small steps to changing your life and living a more Christlike lifestyle. It’s a renovation. Do you understand how excited I am? It’s like I’m terrified and elated all wrapped up with a ribbon of dedication. While I’m journaling in the written manner with this… I do plan to update with things that really make me think, things that I find profound.
I’ll leave you with this quote from the intro,
“Adventure requires courage to keep us faithful to the struggle, since by its very nature adventure means that the future is always in doubt. And just to the extent that the future is in doubt, hope is required, as there can be no adventure if we despair of our goal. Such hope does not necessarily take the form of excessive confidence, rather, it involves the simple willingness to take the next step.” – Stanley Haurwas
That’s some food for thought. <3
Secret Contentness
21 Jun 2011 Leave a Comment
It’s hard for me to stay updated here, though I’m not sure why. It’s almost like I feel embarrassed for not always having Ireland updates, but this blog wasn’t restricted to Ireland in the first place.
Janna and Katelyn are doing much better, as of my quick touch-base yesterday. Janna had gotten a bad throat infection, and it seemed like Katelyn was getting there. Luckily, Ireland has miraculous drugs, according to Janna, and they are back up and recovering quickly. Please pray for protective health for everyone, encouraged spirits, and stamina to keep rolling along.
I haven’t been up to much. After not being successful in landing an interview for a job-job nor for a babysitting job, I decided that when I go back to Fort Wayne for my sister’s birthday, I will stay for the rest of summer. I know more people there and it’ll be easier for me to network in order to pick up work here and there. I also have a lot of artwork in Fort Wayne that I’d like to list, at least on deviantArt, if not anywhere else. Because of this lack of income, though, I’m starting to fear that I will have to cancel my sponsorship of Anahit from Armenia. Her monthly donation is due on the 25th, which leaves me with four days. Then, my phone is due the 26th. I’ve lived without a phone before, so I can handle canceling that. I will be broken up inside, though, if I have to leave Anahit. I love being able to support her and encourage her. I also have a debt in my bank account now, that’s just sitting, because I don’t have the ability to pay it back up to balance. I know this will all change in a matter of a month… but I can’t guarantee that I’ll be able to sponsor her again if I have to stop for this one time. It’s really hard to put out of my mind and put it in God’s hands, because me being me, I want to control the situation. But it is in God’s hands, because I’ve exhausted myself and most of my resources. I don’t know if this is another lesson in how to trust God, but I feel like it is. I’m learning to really be free in Him, I’ve got to trust Him. I just wish it didn’t involve her… then again, it’s an awful good way to get my attention, no?
I know that she is in His hands, and He is the one that provides for her – not me. So learning to let go is hard, and heartbreaking, but I know it will all be okay in the end.
Phil 4:12 is the verse that comes before the infamous verse about doing all things in God who gives us strength. It’s often looked over because 4:13 is so powerful on its own. However, ever since Becky Rapp showed it to me, it’s kind of been my mantra.
“12 I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. 13 I can do everything through him who gives me strength.” NIV.
It’s just a good reminder that God is with you, taking care of you, providing for you. He is the secret, there is peace in Him.
Keep on keepin’ on
10 Jun 2011 Leave a Comment
Can I just say how proud I am of my teammates in Ireland?! They are all over the place, connecting with people, learning, navigating a different country… it’s awesome! Praise God for the connections that they’ve been making, and please pray for the fostering of new relationships. Each member has different strengths and weaknesses that I think God is making prevalent. I think He’s doing some really incredible things in each of them right now. Please pray for the continued protection against spiritual attacks, and the wisdom of relationships and venues to pursue. I still wish I could be there with them, but I’m content to watch them grow from here.
Please continue to follow Katelyn’s blog, here. She updates it quite frequently with the happenings of the team.
As for me? I haven’t been up to that much. I’m still recovering from reverse culture shock. I’ll see scenes of Italy on the television and start crying, but it’s getting better. It’s gone from “I hate it here!” to just “I miss it there.”
I’d like to leave you with a link to my other blog, I posted a pretty lengthy update there. If you have time to read it, that’d be awesome.
Here you go; Fully Alive.
Love you! Thanks!
A lot in my noggin
02 Jun 2011 Leave a Comment
Processing.
There are a lot of people in this world who claim Christianity but that’s the extent it. They say, “Yes, I believe, take me to heaven!” then continue living the way they always have before. Some don’t ever crack open their Bible. Some pray, but don’t believe it’s being heard. Some toss around Christianese but don’t know the depth of the things they speak of. I’m guilty of these things quite often, too, don’t get me wrong… but I’m starting to realize what a big deal it is. How badly this reflects on the body of Christ. One thing in particular that astounds me about modern Christians is their lack of belief in spiritual warfare. They aren’t little chibi characters on your shoulders. There are angels and demons around us, fighting a battle for our hearts and our minds… for the ultimate battle of our souls. Now, like Katelyn said to me earlier, I don’t go searching for evil under every rock and bush. I’m just keenly aware that it’s there. It’s not something made up, it’s real. I’m not going to chase it down, or open myself up to it’s presence… but there are places that you can feel the overwhelming darkness. My team is going through this right now. I can only imagine the density of the darkness that lurks there in Ireland. It’s got to be saturated, from hundreds of years of calling on evil – whether or not it was with good intentions. With this in mind, I almost feel glad that I was to stay behind in the States. Having done enough dabbling in Wicca to know the extremes of it, I would have felt all the more uneasy with these attacks that they are going through. I feel protected by being left at home for this reason, but for other reasons… I would almost rather be with my team and endure the attacks with the support I had from them. I can only pray that the burden weighing on them gets lighter.
Some of the things that I am having to process here in the States is how mundane and apathetic Christians here seem to have become… or perhaps they began this way. I’ve observed many a Christian, not all – but many, profess their faith but do nothing about it. I’m not saying go out and be a martyr… but why is everything done with selfish intentions? If you get to the top here, it will mean nothing once you’re dead. Money is meaningless. It’s all meaningless (I sound like Solomon). Solomon did have a point though – everything here on Earth is meaningless outside of your relationship with God – and that’s exactly what saying yes to Christ is. You’re saying a yes to a relationship with Him. I think that’s something we all – no matter where you are on your walk – we all struggle with accepting. Christianity isn’t something you agree to in order to get a free ride into heaven. It’s the acknowledgment and rebirth of a beautiful relationship with your savior and heavenly father. He wants you to depend on Him, talk to Him, give everything to Him. He wants to be there for you. He wants to be the one you run crying to. He wants to guide you and help you. He wants to give you the things that will help you grow. He wants to test your reliance on Him. He wants to be needed by you. He wants a relationship. If we’d just pursue this… then I think we’re really Christians, doing what we were always meant to do. God had a relationship with mankind in the beginning. He walked with Adam and Eve. He nurtured them. They had intelligent conversations. They spent time together. Sin made it impossible for this to continue, but the death of Jesus Christ on our behalf made it possible again.
Writing all of this makes me realize how much I’ve been neglecting my relationship with Him. I think I want to spend more time in devotion, adoration, and communion with my Father.
All this being said, I’m just having a difficult time understanding the mindset of people. I get it, don’t misunderstand… but I can’t put myself in their shoes right now. Then again, I don’t want to. Ignorance is not something I want to accept so freely.
Dear Abba,
Please be with me this summer as I learn more about You and all that You’ve done for me. Please grant me patience and tenderness toward people who are not on the same page as me. And if I am in the wrong about anything, dear God, please put me straight. Hold my hand, because I cannot tackle this life without You here. You are so great and I will never, ever be able to comprehend all of You. But each day that I learn more is another day that I am so thankful to be Yours. Please, help me to continuously surrender to You. You know what I can never know, and You understand what I can never understand. Be in control. Please also be with Team Ireland as they face new experiences and discover things about themselves while doing what You’ve called them to do. Be their rock, a firm foundation for them to rely on. Help them to trust solely in You, God. Thank you, Abba. I love you, Amen.
